Journal
by Sybila M
Summary: Draco Malfoy is in hiding. These are his thoughts and feelings. Complete


I own nothing not even the songs. The songs are by Hanson and are called "If Only" and "Strong Enough to Break" I changed part if it to fit my need. If Ms. Rowling would like to give me Harry Potter or Draco Malfoy, I wouldn't say no. As for Hanson, I wouldn't say no to having them either.

October 31st, 1997

I can't believe that that stupid girl got Potter. Why would he even want her? She is poor and … and she is…she doesn't know the real him. I mean I don't care. He is just Potter but I mean he could have any girl. He could probably have a few guys too. But Potter wouldn't want a guy; he is too 'golden.'

When Myrtle came for a visit today and informed me of their relationship, I almost had a heart attack. I never would have thought that Potter would put someone in danger like that. The girl nearly died for him already.

I suppose I should listen to all the plans being made so I can inform the girl. Potter should thank me for that. We wouldn't want him to stop fighting if she died.

Potter is lucky whether he knows it or not. At least he has love. All I have is Myrtle and a few people who only care about what I can do for them. My mom died because of me. Snape never cared about me, just my mom. The rest of my family certainly doesn't care.

November 5th, 1997

I've been traveling in disguise. I saw Potter and his friends yesterday. They didn't see me. It brought up strange feelings, like regret and sorrow and nostalgia and so much more.

January 3rd, 1998

I'm trying to write a song. I'm not going to divulge what it is about. I don't want to get in trouble if someone reads this. Here are a few lines:

Well every single time I see you I start to feel this way  
It makes me wonder if I am ever gonna feel this way again.  
There's a picture that's hanging in the back of my head  
I see it over and over  
I wanna hold you and love you  
In my arms and then  
I wanna need you  
cuz I need to be with you till the end  
Then I hear myself reply "You've got to hold it in" this time tonight

If only I had the guts to feel this way, if only you'd look at me and  
want to stay, if only I could take you in my arms and say, I won't go cuz I  
need you

I sit here waiting, wondering, hoping that I'll make this right  
Cuz all I think about is your hands, your face and all these lonely nights  
There's a feeling screaming in the back of my head  
Saying it over and over  
I wanna hold you and love you  
In my arms and then  
I wanna need you  
cuz I need to be with you till the end  
Then I hear myself reply "He'll never let you in" this time tonight

If only I had the guts to feel this way, if only you'd look at me and wanna  
stay, if only I could take you in my arms and say, I won't go cuz I need you  
I wanna hear you say it'll always be this way

February 22nd, 1998

I've taken to following Potter during the day. He is staying in the same town as I am. I've found out very little about what is going on. I've learned a lot about him though. First off, he knows I'm innocent. Secondly, he has little movements and reactions to things. When he lies, he wrings his hands and looks to the left. When he is thinking, he scrunches his face up and will sometimes look to the right.

I've also found out that he isn't with that girl anymore. They broke up before school let out. He is trying to protect her, yet she keeps talking about how they are in love. She's going to get herself killed.

I'm writing more songs and poems.

March 3rd, 1998

I've been captured. Can you believe it; Potter has known that I've been following him. And he only now decided to capture and inform me that I'm suspicious. Luckily I've kept this journal with me.

Here are some lyrics from a song I'm writing:

I don't feel myself today  
Just a figure in a big monopoly game  
Struggle is the price you pay  
You get just enough just to give it away  
I'm sinking but I'm floating away  
Throw me a line so I can anchor my pain  
The fabric is about to fray  
The fabric is about to fray

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately  
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately  
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering  
I start feeling the walls close in  
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling  
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break  
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Been running through my mind today  
Scenarios to add to your hypocrisy  
No one ever takes the blame  
But everyone is searching for a cure to the pain  
Nothing ever seems to change  
Oh, nothing ever seems to change  
We just play like broken records in a deaf man's charade

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately  
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately  
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering  
I start feeling the walls close in  
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling  
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Carry on just a pawn and the same old song  
I'm still holding on

_Harry's journal_

I just walked into the room Malfoy is in and read his journal. I just read it hoping to find clues as to why he is following me. He sounds as if… but no he couldn't, could he? I mean it sounds as if he may actually like me. No it sounds as if he actually cares about me. Why? Why would he? There is no reason to. He is supposed to hate me. That's a constant. He is breaking the rules by changing.

I should confront him, right? Yes, I should, I'll confront him.

I'm going into his room. I'm walking up to him. I'm going to wake...I'm walking away. I really shouldn't be writing while walking should I? I'll put this down.

_Omniscient POV_

Harry walked up to the sleeping body of his arch-rival. He wanted to know the truth. Draco slept soundly until Harry shook him.

"You awake Malfoy?" Harry asked.

"I am now. What do you want?"

"The truth would be nice."

"The truth about what?"

Harry kicked the journal.

"You read it!" Draco screamed and lunged towards Harry.

Harry and Draco fought on the ground. After a few minutes Harry had Draco pinned. He asked for the truth again.

"You really want the truth?" Draco asked, outraged.

Harry nodded in the affirmative.

"Fine, I've been mad at you ever since first year. But I've had a respect for you, you are strong after all. I'd see you with your friends and there was a mixture of resentment and longing. I wanted friends. I wanted to be loved. I wanted you. But I couldn't have those things. I was forced into the task of killing Dumbledore. If I hadn't I would have been killed…"

"But you didn't kill him."

"No, I did not. Had I known that you knew of my innocence, I would have found you so you could help me out. But I didn't. You have so much love in your life. I have none. All I want is someone I can call a friend. I want someone who I can go and hangout with. Myrtle is nice but she is just a ghost. We can't hug or go swimming or do much of anything. I wouldn't care if I only had that one person, I'd cherish their friendship forever."

Harry looked at Draco with full understanding and the wall between them broke. The embraced and kissed each other with great passion. Not even Ron, who was standing in the doorway, or Hermione, who was just behind him, could have torn them apart. Not that they would have, they were too shocked. They had heard the whole speech and were stunned.

The next day Ginny had a very broken heart but found comfort in the arms of Neville Longbottom.


End file.
